A Crappy Christmas Story.

November 5, 2017

A Crappy Christmas Story:


I recently decided to drop some good coin on a new parka seeing as I live in a city where the air hurts my face, and a pea-coat when it's -40 with the windchill just ain't gunna cut it. So yesterday, I was wearing said pricey jacket while visiting the Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel. They had one of their rooms beautifully decorated for tourists visiting the hotel over the holidays, and they labelled it "Santa's Suite". Of course, at the door they had a giant bowl of chocolates... and let's just say, I got a little greedy. I shoved one chocolate in my face immediately, and secretly pocketed 2 more chocolates and 2 mini candy canes for later (impulsive, I know). Fast forward to the next day - it would seem that while I was driving on the highway back to Edmonton, my body heat melted the chocolates and the candy canes in the pocket of my jacket where my credit card also happened to be. I made a pit-stop at a nearby Tims, and as I attempted to pay for my coffee at the drive through, I reached into my pocket and handed the lady my credit card which to my surprise was COVERED in melted minty-chocolate. If only you could have seen the terror on that woman's face. Luckily I had some change (free from chocolate), wiped off my credit card, and away I went. Embarrassing? Yes... but that was only the start.


About an hour later, I popped into a store on my way home- COMPLETELY forgetting about the melty-chocolatey-swamp in my right pocket. I proceeded to waddle around the store for a few minutes with my mitts on, and my hands in my pockets. At some point, I must have itched my face with my mitts on (which of course, were now unknowingly covered in chocolate); because when I went to the counter to pay for my things, the lady piped up and said "Um... I think you have something on your face?!" She pointed at my forehead, where I had a nice streak of chocolate across my right eyebrow and into my hairline. Being the genius that I am, I tried to wipe the chocolate off with my right mitt, where I then RE-painted my face with more minty-chocolatey-goodness. The lady at this point likely thought I was either a raging alcoholic or some kind of drug addict, so I paid for my things and ran out to my car to re-evaluate my life choices. haha


So in conclusion: Never steal chocolates from Santa; getting melted chocolate out of your hair is harder than it looks; and I have NO idea how I'm going to clean goopey smeared chocolate and melted candy canes out from the pocket of my ridiculously overpriced jacket.


Now taking suggestions! haha




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