The Off-Air Blog.
So here we go - the blog of my life without a job! But hey, being unemployed can be fun - You get to sleep in 'till whatever ungodly hour you please, binge more episodes on Netflix than you’d ever like to admit, and you guessed it - make people read your mindless babble on a blog! It’s been a long while... and I don’t think it’s a secret that I’ve been purposely quiet on social media these days, but for a good reason. I needed some time to digest, watch loads of garbage TV (obviously) and really just take a step back from the crazy world of social media to focus on the external things in my life that matter most. The truth is, for the past few years, I have felt so unlike myself. I’ve been lost in the world of “fake it till you make it”, but take it from me… one can only fake it so long until you have a complete identity crisis. The process has been slow, and admittedly a bit emotional, but I’m getting there. Day by day, I find little bits and pieces of myself again, and I’m slowly feeling more and more like the beer-drinkin’, fart-jokin’ Saskatchewan girl that I am.
A lot of people have messaged me over the past few months and have essentially been asking “What the hell happened, and what have you been up to?” Well let’s rewind to April 18, 2016. I came into the office that morning as per usual with my shit-eating grin and my Tims coffee, and before I could even sit down - the bossman asked if we could have a minute in his office. Something felt off, I could see it in my boss’s face, and that moment right there, I knew EXACTLY what was coming. I sat down, took a deep breath, and he got right to the point. “We are letting you go”.
At first, it hurt. After 6 years of putting my absolute everything into my show to please the masses- I was told I was no longer a great fit to the station. Here’s the thing though, I completely, wholeheartedly agreed. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming, nor could I say I felt he was making a big mistake. It made all the sense in the world, and after a few tears and some smudged mascara, I was incredibly relieved. There was such a mutual respect between my boss and I, that I think he truly felt he couldn’t drag me through the mud anymore. The station had gone through tremendous changes throughout the years due to our rollercoaster ratings, and even though I may not have always agreed with the changes- I was a member of the team and did what was asked of me to try and reach a common goal. As the months passed, the station continued to change, and our freedom as personalities on the station were stripped from us. The reality of the situation was that I was no longer myself on the air; I was merely a name and a voice, and show after show of talking just to talk, I lost myself not only as an announcer, but as a person. My job is so much of who I am, but when you’re not able to be you in what you do for a living- ESPECIALLY in the entertainment industry, how are you supposed to be yourself once the mic has turned off and the show is over? How are other people supposed to perceive you when you don’t even know how to perceive yourself?
I left the building that day and immediately called my lifeline - Mom. Here’s the crazy part - yes I was crying because let’s face it - my ego was a tad bruised, but I was also smiling because I knew this was a blessing in disguise. I was free. I was finally free of having to fake my way through every day, free of any contractual constraints, and I could finally do the things that I have always wanted to. I could travel anywhere I wanted, I could apply for any job I wanted, I didn’t have to ask for permission to go places or feel like a dick for exploring my options in the business. I was as free as the bird I was named after. That day, I found a small piece of me that has gotten buried under all the branded bullshit that I had been spoon-fed for some time. It was time for me to get back to who I really was, and just do me for a while.
Fast forward 3 weeks; my plane tickets were booked and I was off to explore this big beautiful world we live in, and I was doing it solo-dolo. Was I scared? Holy shit- yes. I went through insane amounts of anxiety on this trip but dealing with that anxiety was a very valuable lesson I needed to learn. I travelled Southeast Asia for 5 weeks, exploring Indonesia, Thailand, and The Philippines, and I learned more about myself in those 5 weeks then I have in 5 years. I earned such an appreciation for things I wouldn’t otherwise have opened my eyes to, and I gained such a different perspective that I know has forever shaped me as a person. After those 5 weeks in Asia, I came home to get my priorities straight, revisit my career options, and spend some time with family. With no viable options for jobs, and the travel itch that still needed scratching - I packed my bags again and took off to Europe. I spent time in England, Croatia, Bosnia, Germany, Vienna, The Czech Republic, Hungary, Denmark, and Ireland, and have since returned home to A) get back in shape (because after a while, the wine and the pasta catches up to you) and B) get a job (because the unemployed life gets real old, real fast). Both much easier said than done!
So with all that said - I am slowly but surely starting to feel like myself again. I’m still unemployed, and that sucks, but life has a funny way of teaching you certain lessons, and I have a feeling this might be a way to teach me a fine lesson on PATIENCE (something that I have very little of). For now, we play the waiting game - my least favourite game in all of the games out there - but I can smell the roses on the other side, and god damn they smell good.
"Make the money, don't let the money make you." -Macklemore
Ta ta for now ---